Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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