fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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