I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
