the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
