youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
