college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize