I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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