if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
