So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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