I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
