Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
