guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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