ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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