I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
