i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
