I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
