singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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