just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
