really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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