Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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