8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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