just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
