We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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