Quick, to the slutcave!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
