i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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