Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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