Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
