You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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