He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
