Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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