whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
