The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
