He felt like a one man threesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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