Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
