So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
