her vagine was all disorganized.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize