My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize