i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
