saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
