You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
