we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize