I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
