My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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