I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
