i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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