we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
