Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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