dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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