We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
