We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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