She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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