She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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