That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
