So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
