Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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