i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
