I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
