If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
