I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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