you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize