He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
