I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize